Ve vývoji

Last Letters of My Grandma

Last letters of my Grandma

My grandmother Antonina committed suicide in 1989, two years before I was born. She was 51. For my father, it was always difficult to talk about her and his family from Russia. He left his city as a teenager and emigrated to Moldova. For decades, he kept in touch with his family only through letters, rarely coming for a visit.

As I got older, I became more and more concerned about my family history. Gradually, I realized how strongly the history of my family is connected with the history of the USSR. I started asking my father questions that became increasingly difficult for him to answer. I realized that the taboo topic of my grandmother's suicide is strongly connected with several taboo subjects from the history of the USSR.

To understand and resolve these complex relationships between collective and family history that directly affects me, I travel with my father back to his homeland. Trying to understand why my grandmother committed suicide, I discover that several family members also had suicide attempts. I realize that the theme of death is constantly present in my family. Layer by layer, I discover how the Second World War, the post-war famine and the Kyshtym radioactive disaster affected the physical and psychological health of my family members. At the same time, I face their fear to talk about it. Gradually, the film splits into two divergent realities: the idealized nostalgic testimonies of my family members and their tragic destinies.

These contradictions make me contemplate our collective trauma and family secrecy that involuntarily are inherited and transmitted to the next generations, reaching my own life. My main question is how we can break this contagious cycle of fear, silence and secrecy that already affected several consecutive generations. Thus, with this film I aim to process and overcome the heavy heritage, accepting the past and myself.
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